Jose Canseco's dance card sits disappointingly empty

by Dex on Mar 20, 2007 6:12 AM PDT in News

[update: March 26, 2008] Why are we getting so many hits to this page? Were we linked somewhere that I don't realize?

That's a picture of Jose Canseco, but it's not just any picture of Jose Canseco. It's a picture of Jose Canseco at a Dancing With the Stars post-party. Do you remember how Canseco was rumored to be the next DWTS sports star? Canseco went so far as to tell the gossip rags that he'd been offered the spot, but had yet to decide if he would tango with the other stars.

Well, the actual story that we've heard from our Secret Source behind the scenes at DWTS is interesting and much more believable, if not in a sad sort of way.

During last season's final episode, Jose Canseco was seen in the audience and is allegedly friends with DWTS dancer Mario Lopez. After the show, everybody went to the post-party to do what post-partiers do, but our guy Jose wasn't on the list and was denied entry. After sneaking in, he proceeded to do his mingling thing. The girl that initially turned him away spotted him and had security escort him out. Whether or not she actually recognized him as Jose Canseco is unclear, but apparently, cries of, "I'm Jose Canseco!" don't carry much weight around these parts any more.

Eventually, Canseco schmoozed the right people and had enough people recognize him that he was allowed back in. Once he was in, Canseco took every opportunity to mug for photos. Any time a camera was produced, Canseco stuck his steroid enlarged head into the shot. From what we've heard from our friends behind the scenes, it was a little weird. More than once, people would be heard whispering in hushed tones, "Why does Jose Canseco keep sticking his face in photos? And what the heck is even doing here?"

Apparently, what he was doing was getting face time to try to provide some material evidence to the "rumors" that he would be the next Dancing With the Stars sports star - Rumors that evidently, Canseco was planting himself. It seems that the plan was to get as much face time in the gossip columns as possible so as to make it seem that he was the prime candidate for the spot. Sort of the self fulfilling prophecy strategy. The plan obviously didn't work as Clyde the Glide and the speed skater are strutting their stuff on network TV while Canseco tries to figure out if he really is just destined to do softcore porn.

Maybe next year, Sultan of the Syringe. Maybe next year.

*le sigh*

Update [2007-3-21 15:19:17 by Dex]: Steroid Nation has a link to video. (via Sports by Brooks)

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Sultan of the Syringe

now that's funny, Dex.

Praise to the Padres administrative staff, who have eased my pain and provided a printable PDF Padres schedule, complete with TV broadcast info. you can download it here:

http://sandiego.padres.mlb.com/sd/schedule/printable.jsp

Has anyone else heard about these 2-for-1 games? It looks like all the Thursday afternoon games get you 2 tickets for the price of 1, plus hot dogs are also 2 for 1, very cool. I'm going.

by RBS on Mar 20, 2007 8:11 AM PDT 0 recs

le yawn

I for one am not critical of Jose Canseco. So what he did steroids. Who hasn't in modern baseball is my question.

You see, MLB wants us to think they were blind to steroid use in 1987 and through 2002 (when President Bush made eradicating steroids in sports part of his state of the union address). In all honesty, it takes a big man to do what our own KT did.

He publicly admitted that ownership and management groups turned a blind eye because the baseball business was booming and then he publicly apologized. Where was the press on that?

Probably one of the more amazing things KT has done and a testament to the man's integrity, yet you never hear about it anymore. No, the media would rather have us chastise Canseco and Bonds than actually address the truth. The truth is baseball knew this was going on and didn't do anything to stop it (in fact, they wouldn't even allow testing for drugs for decades).

It's time to start referring to this era as the "Juiced-Ball" era with all the puns and connotations implied. Like I've said before, Bonds might have hit three hundred home runs while on steroids. He probably hit three hundred fifty home runs off of pitchers that were on steroids. It's all relative.

Free Jose! Free Jose!

PS I still think Canseco's book was one of the more eye opening sports books I ever read. And I read a lot.

Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic.

by TheRevRun on Mar 20, 2007 8:55 AM PDT 0 recs

Train Wreck

Whatever one thinks of this guy there is no denying he is a train wreck. It just gets worse and worse... MLB to Guatemalan independent league, to congressional hearing, to reality TV, to party crasher. I love it! And what's with that shirt with the gold flaked whatever?

Also Special Thanks to the source behind this great story.

by Jonny Dub on Mar 20, 2007 9:12 AM PDT 0 recs

not critical of his roid use...

he himself is a loser.

by bktabinga on Mar 20, 2007 9:13 AM PDT 0 recs

birthmark

You can tell it's Jose Canseco because of the birthmark on the back of his hand.
His Ex-Wife used it to identify him:

"Are you really Jose Canseco?"

One of the other players grabbed Jose's hand and showed me a birthmark across the back of it, as if that would somehow confirm his identity. I didn't know who he was, so how was I expected to know he had a birthmark? And it was one butt-ugly birthmark, believe me: a big brown spot about the size of an egg, with fur-like hair growing out of it. It looked sort of like a cockroach. For a moment, I thought about shaving it down and drawing little legs along both sides to make it look even more roach-like.

by jbox on Mar 20, 2007 9:31 AM PDT 0 recs

really random but

i like mario lopez...not just because he was A.C. Slater on my favorite show, which would have been enough.... but i saw him on the late late show saying he is a huge charger fan and he is obsessed and goes to the games but was crushed that he would be filming a movie so he couldnt go to any playoff games. he talked about the chargers for a few minutes and seemed like an intense fan, because he grew up in chula vista. this makes me wonder if he is a padre fan too..

i dont like conseco tho, what an odd pair of friends

threepeat?(never thought id be able to say that about the padres!)

by Peavyforprez08 on Mar 20, 2007 9:34 AM PDT 0 recs

Stories

If you only knew some of the stories behind A.C.

by Jonny Dub on Mar 20, 2007 10:15 AM PDT up 0 recs

when i used to wrestle in high school

he would be at some of the tourneys...i used to think, what guy goes to watch recreationally, high school wrestling, how gay.

but then he would always tote some little groupie along, and this was his Saved By the Bell days.

The guy is a total jigalo. Notice how he is good friends with Eva Langoria...I mean, if I were Parker, I'd be a little worried of Mario.

by bktabinga on Mar 20, 2007 10:46 AM PDT up 0 recs

A.C.

seriously slept with every female on DWTS, including Longoria that made a guest appearance. I have it on good authority. That's the reason he and his fiance broke up. Plus Britney in vegas.

by jbox on Mar 20, 2007 11:17 AM PDT up 0 recs

Canseco

Whether or not she actually recognized him as Jose Canseco is unclear, but apparently, cries of, "I'm Jose Canseco!" don't carry much weight around these parts any more.

Did cries of "I'm Jose Canseco!" EVER carry any weight?

Anywhere?

ScoutingBook: Top Baseball Prospects, Closers and more.

by scoutingbook on Mar 22, 2007 2:15 AM PDT 0 recs